Friday 30 August 2013

What I Should Have Said

[source]




This is a very quick snapshot of a girl who is going through the age-old mantra of falling in love with what may seem to be the wrong guy,

Enjoy!

Yours truly,

Mo x










Grace was pottering around all morning after she got the phone call from the police station. A million things flitted through her mind. Should she call him? Should she go visit him? If she visited what should she bring? Would he even want to see her? To say she was confused on what to do is an understatement. Grace glanced outside her window and watched how the window panes were covered with sheets of water. Typical British weather. She decided that she would not go and visit him only to be turned away and be at the risk of catching a cold. 

Grace checked her clock and saw that it was 4.00 pm. 'The post man will be here soon', she thought. She rushed to her room and pulled out a pen and paper and began tow rite the following letter:


Dear RJ,


I highly doubt that I would ever have the courage to tell you this face-to-face so I thought that I would resort to using a more traditional mode of communication. I shall jump straight to the point as I know you wouldn't want me beating around the bush after what I did. I just thought I would try to explain why I mistakenly sent you to the A&E. I swear that that was not my intention at all. You just...pissed me off.

Look, I know that it is not your fault that when you walk into a place where I am in my heart literally skips a beat or beats that much quicker. I know it is not your fault that I turn into a mumbling idiot when you try to include me in conversations amongst our friends. I know it is not your fault that I spilt red wine all over your mothers white rug on your 18th as I was trying to show off my new dress (Soo sorry about that. Again). I know it is not your fault that every time you laugh I am immediately happy because you are. I know it is not your fault that I get immensely jealous when you get off with girls at clubs or get chatted up by them when we are out. I know that it is not your fault that you are not attracted to me in any way. I know that it is not your fault that you feel comfortable enough around me to ask me for advice on how to make up to your girlfriend of the year. I know that it is not your fault that you have no idea of how much I care about you and for how long because I have never let you told you. I know that it is not your fault that you had no idea that I am pregnant with the child of a man that cheated on me with my sister. I know that it is not your fault that I no longer the girl whom you used to swim with your back yard in just my swim shorts because my parents didn't see it fit to put a tank top on me or put me in a one-piece.

And most of all, I know that it is not your fault that I drenched your new squeeze in lemonade, punched you so hard that I broke your nose, knocked you unconscious and caused you to be cooped up in A&E because I could not find the words to tell you what was going on with me. 

I am very sorry about making your 25th a party to remember. I am sorry that my shitty life has caused you so much pain. It is just...you did not notice!  You didn't notice that I had cut my hair. You didn't notice that I had broken up with Deji. You didn't notice that I wasn't drinking or that you poking fun at my "sudden" weight gain was not funny. Not to me at least. I know I should have just told you these things instead or resorting to violence but you just rub me the wrong way. You always have. 

Anyway, do not worry. I will never contact you again after this. I just hope that this sort of sheds a little light on what was going on in my head.

Love, Grace xx

P.S. Thanks for dropping the charges by the way. I doubt I could have handled giving birth in jail. That would most definitely have sent me to the loony bin. 


When she was done, she placed it in an envelope, rushed downstairs to go and catch the postman who was just about to leave but was holding the door open for someone. As Grace was about to call out to the postman she stopped dead in tracks. For the person that the postman was letting into the building was the very last person she wanted to see.

'We need to talk', said Deji.

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Yours truly,
Mo